| im sick of being sick oh well HAPPY 9 MONTHS BABY  |
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| well ive still been thinking a lot about a lot of differnt things sometimes i think its better when i dont think   |
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| - 2 were so far awayso i just got the new mae cd its incredible im also pretty excited cause in just a matter of days i get to see alex so thats really exciting plus ive been a real jerk today im not sure why maybe im just doing the whole male pms thing ive just kinda felt like being byself today kinda one of those i wanna be depressed days yeah thats me right now im listening to some soft music by mae which have some powerful lyrics about God in then if you choose to think about it like that which is one thing i have kinda thought about today i definatly need to get closer to God ive drifted its funny how like school takes up so much time and its like you have time well or are forced to do all this stuff but at least in my life i never seem to make time for my religious beliefs i definalty need to change that i guess i kinda saw today coming for some reason i have been thinking about death a lot i guess since the media has brought it so close to our attention but im so blessed with all i have and its just a horrible thought to think that one day all of that could be taken away in an instant like i really dont think i could handle anyone really close to me passing espically my parents or alex they are all such big parts of my life well they are my life and yes i screw up like today but everyones entitled to days like that i guess or sometimes i wonder how i could handle myself passing and how other people would handle it i mean i hope people would be upset its not that i really worry about that i guess thats kinda conceded to say but i mean like for instance well i guess this could go either way like i would want to reach out and touch my mom or my dad or alex or any one of my friends and just say i love you or anything like that im having some weird thoughts like that its kinda scaring me theres just a lot i want to change i want to be closer to so many people well mainly a clestial being and the person i love the most and i know both of these come with time and theres really nothing i can do to speed up time and im not sure if i want to i really need to just enjoy the time i have with my parents my grandparents and alex and my friends i think the media has really got me thinking about life in a whole new perspective and to just enjoy it and love all you can its hard yeah but its something i need to start doing well im done with this for now i guess bye all and i love all of you |
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| some people just piss me off |
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| ya ever just all of a sudden start feeling upset and depressed yeah i did tonight oh well life goes on i suppose |
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